I Lost My Way

Finding my way back to the fire - Travis De Vries

It’s been a long time since I last wrote and published an essay for STAUNCH. This platform was born as a space for First Nations writers and thinkers - a place to imagine what it would mean to reclaim agency over ourselves. A space to dream of new ways to govern, to propose better systems than the ones we’ve inherited.

But somewhere along the way, I lost sight of that vision.

Over the past few months, I’ve been deep in thought. I’ve started essays for STAUNCH. I’ve had ideas that could have formed into essays. But none of them materialised into finished pieces.

I lost my way. I lost the fire that once burned in me, the drive that led me to create STAUNCH. And it wasn’t until today that I realised why.

Despair.

The world around us can feel suffocating. It’s hard not to lose hope when we’re watching Trump rise again, with Australia’s politics seemingly ready to follow suit. When racists, emboldened by the 2023 referendum outcome, feel free to voice their hate with impunity.

I questioned what it was all for, and I let that question overwhelm me. I let events far beyond my control douse the fire within me.

But it wasn’t just the global stage. Closer to home, personal and professional challenges weighed me down. I had to close Awesome Black’s creator hub and studio in Sydney because we could no longer afford the rent or maintain the team. I made mistakes - grew the team too quickly - and those decisions came back to bite me hard in 2024. Since then, I’ve been grappling with the fallout.

I applied for funding to support Awesome Black’s programs and projects, and most of those applications were unsuccessful. It has been disappointing, disheartening, and exhausting.

Burnout crept in. By the end of 2024, I was running on fumes, drawing from emotional and physical reserves I should have protected. I was drained, almost unable to write, almost unable to think about these big-picture ideas. Vulnerability left me open to despair.

In recent weeks, I’ve sought refuge in reading - fiction, fantasy. One book in particular stayed with me. It told the story of a people living under a fascist dictatorship, bureaucratically subdued. A handful of them began organising, stoking the fires of rebellion. Their struggle, generations in the making, led them to overthrow their oppressors, led by a charismatic leader and their expert allies, pulled from both the oppressed people and beyond.

Now I am not not a charismatic leader and one of my biggest faults is trying to do everything myself. It’s something I’m trying to work on.

This morning, as I walked and thought about STAUNCH, I thought about that book. Fantasy has always felt like one of the most powerful ways to explore dissidence. It offers a cloak of plausible deniability - "it’s just fantasy." Yet for subjugated peoples, it can be a safe, fertile ground to explore revolution.

I’ve used fantasy in my own work. My characters discuss rebellion and resistance through speculative fiction and Indigenous Futurism. These stories give us a space to imagine revolution without constraints, to dream boldly.

Thinking about this helped me remember what STAUNCH is for. It’s not just a space for dreams - it’s a space to turn those dreams into a possible future. We don’t need to get everything right. Our ideas are meant to provoke, to challenge, to spark arguments. They’re meant to inspire, but they’re also meant to be actionable.

This platform is here to stoke the fires of our own revolution.

How many First Nations people in this country truly believe, deep in their hearts, that they are Australian citizens? Unless the answer is 100%, we are still at war. We’ve been at war since Cook landed at Kamay, planted a flag, and claimed our lands for a foreign ruler. Every act since then has been aggression against us.

It’s been a long war, and I have to forgive myself for tiring. We all do. But we also need to continue fighting - using every tool at our disposal to create the world we deserve, the one we’ve always known should have been ours.

STAUNCH was created as a space to think through the theories, the actions, and the revolutions that will lead us there. And it will continue to be that space.

This year STAUNCH will continue to publish new and established First Nations voices. We are open to pitches from mob to write for us. Every essay that is published is paid.

To pitch, send your idea to hello@awesomeblack.org addressed to
Travis De Vries
STAUNCH. Editor

Share this with mob who you think would be right to write for STAUNCH.

Before You Go: Help Us Empower First Nations Creators Through Our 2025 Grants Program

The Awesome Black Foundation is proud to launch our 2025 Grants and Scholarships Program, a pivotal initiative to amplify First Nations voices in literature and music. This program directly supports the creation of new, culturally significant works, preserving legacies for future generations while inspiring new ones.

Our Goal

We’re aiming to raise $80,000 through the Australian Cultural Fund to fully fund this program. These funds will provide:

• Dedicated time and financial support for two talented First Nations creators.

• Mentorship from Travis De Vries, Founder of Awesome Black, to refine and elevate their projects.

• Publishing and distribution assistance to ensure their works reach audiences far and wide.

Why This Matters

First Nations voices have been historically underrepresented in Australia’s creative industries. Supporting these creators is about more than stories or songs—it’s about shaping cultural narratives, inspiring generations, and carving space for Indigenous excellence to thrive.

This program also incorporates a sustainable future: a 2% royalty stake in each recipient’s work will be reinvested to fund future grants.

Your Support, Their Impact

Your donation helps:

• Empower creators to tell their stories.

• Preserve cultural heritage through impactful art.

• Enrich Australia’s cultural fabric with inclusivity and representation.

• Inspire innovation within First Nations creative communities.

How to Donate

Every dollar counts. Support the Voices Rising Fund by donating through the Australian Cultural Fund. Together, we can fund profound works that will resonate for generations.

Visit us at AwesomeBlack.org to learn more and join the movement.

Let’s make 2025 the year we amplify First Nations voices like never before.